@retardedwriter: If u think ur parents did nothing for you, remember Jackie Shrof named his son Tiger and Bappi Da named his son Bappa. Respect your parents
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@wickedimproper: St. Peter: "Spock?" Leonard Nimoy: "I'm Leonard. Spock was just a character I played on TV." St. Peter: "HEY EVERYBODY! IT'S SPOCK!"
@NicestHippo: "Instagram announced they will allow users to see who viewed their profile..." *wakes up in cold sweat*
@ericsshadow: Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
@Amusitr0n: [shady nighttime meeting at the aquarium] AQUARIUM EMPLOYEE: eels are already pretty slippery man ME: shut up and help me butter them