@ewfeez: If u want to get out of a conversation in public just say "I've gotta take this" then steal the nearest for-sale item and get arrested.
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@Your_Boy_Dylan: How did girls text before emojis? Hey I can't wait to see you tonight! PARTY HAT MARTINI GLASS NOISEMAKER BEER MUG CAT DOG SUNGLASSES POOP
@XplodingUnicorn: [end of a job interview] Interviewer: Any questions? Me: If you could become half robot, would you do it? Him: Me: Him: Which half?
@imogenjayy: Takes approximately 7.5 seconds for #Adele to make you mourn a relationship that you weren't even in.