@jonnysun: if u watch thamksgiving backwards its about a angry family yeling at each other then the uncle says something racist and everyone calms down
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@ilovepie84: Mall security asked me to empty my pockets. My response was "you won't find a better job or respect in my pockets"
@AdamBroud: Wife: Whatchya thinking about? Me: *Thinking about how dogs understand more English words than I understand dog words* Science stuff.
@Tmoney68: 11:30 - Sit on toilet, open Twitter. 11:54 - Try to stand, fall to floor with numb legs. 11:55 - Get comfortable on floor, open Twitter.
@UncleDuke1969: He rose from mild mannered Social Studies teacher... To vicious kingpin of a criminal cupcake empire. Coming soon to AMC: "BAKING BRAD"