@jonnysun: if u went back in time to kill hitler, itd be easier to kil pre-war hitler but then all the germans woud b like "yo why did u kill that kid"
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@realHamOnWry: My nephew asked, 'How will I know when I'm an adult?' and I said, ' When you hear your favorite Justin Bieber song playing in an elevator'
@SaraMansford: I added broccoli to my kid's Mac n Cheese and now he's sitting in a spinny chair, petting a hairless cat and plotting his revenge.
@TheTimmyToes: [finally rich enough to go to a tailor] "How can I help you sir?" One clothes please!