@EJGomez: if ur getting chased by a bunch of drunk 90's kids just yell out "in west Philadelphia born & raised" then u got like 2 min to run
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@mansizedthumbs: Little did he know that his foot powered filing system would have made him billions if he had only thought of a better name - The Ped-o-file
@Inconsteveable: Me: "Can I leave work half an hour early?" Boss: "Only if you make up the time." "OK. It's 35 past 50." Boss: "Just go.."
@KurtBusiek: I saw a tweet saying liberals should create their own Captain America. They did. In 1940.
@blood_orphan: I have a tenuous grasp on the English language. Shakespeare? That dude's grasp on the English language was, like... twelveuous.