@EJGomez: if ur getting chased by a bunch of drunk 90's kids just yell out "in west Philadelphia born & raised" then u got like 2 min to run
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@KeetPotato: [studying beached whale] its a new species bill think of a name ok um *surfer walks by* yo killer whale dude *biologists look at each other*
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Celebrity divorce statements remind us of the names they gave their kids. "We want to focus on raising our children, Shoe and Turbo Pickle."
@NicestHippo: If you think you're bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
@MinedOvaMatter: If you never include your body in your selfies, I am forced to assume that you don't have one. Carry on floating head selfie chick.