@MaryKoCo: If ur late to an appt, just tell them u had another one, but were on time to that one. That way they associate you with punctuality
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@XGroverX: "I'm so hungry, I could eat a human baby." Everyone in Whole Foods stares at me stunned "Corn-fed organic of course, I'm not a monster."
@jimmytorosian: Throw stones at people who live in glass houses. They won't throw them back because they've been told their whole life that they shouldn't.