@MaryKoCo: If ur late to an appt, just tell them u had another one, but were on time to that one. That way they associate you with punctuality
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@SharkJelly: Clark Kent "I have a confession" Lois Lane "what is it?" *Clark removes his glasses* Lois "Is it a bird?" Clark "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU"
@LoveNLunchmeat: When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived.
@Dishy2101: Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
@AbrasiveGhost: God: I call it a Caterpillar Angel: What is it? God: A worm with feet Angel: You're really out of ideas huh? God: Then it grows wings