@spodermenpls: if ur sad abowt not havin an valentien on valentienz day remembr dat sum ppl do’nt hav an patrik on st patriks day
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@TheCareBare: "Baby last night you were so hot, let's do it all over again this morning." -me, speaking to this leftover pizza.
@jngraphs: *Tweets funniest tweet ever *Dies laughing *Over 6 billion die laughing *Germany and Russia survive *Coz nobody left to explain the joke
@Amusitr0n: It's freedom of expression. Grocery Store Manager: sir you were holding a potato in a tiny cage and threatening the store potatoes