@spodermenpls: if ur sad abowt not havin an valentien on valentienz day remembr dat sum ppl do’nt hav an patrik on st patriks day
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@: kid: dad how do you make a bubble? me: well son you take an asset, and you give people a reason to value that asset at a much higher price than it’s intrinsic worth, thus triggering speculative investments- kid: *puts away bubble blower and soap*
@ClickBaite: [Genie] Last wish idiot, impress me. [Me] I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my eulogy [drops dead] [Morgan Freeman] He was an idiot.
@fillthevacuum: Please be the blood from a horse's head Please be the blood from a horse's head Please be the blo... Nope, just peed the bed again
@withanewname: Me: *hyperventilating* 911? BEES! ... EVERYWHERE! ... SEND...HELP! "Sir we don't ..." Me: OMG! DON'T YOU HAVE A SWAT TEAM FOR THIS?