@TheDjinnTrials: If used correctly, Twitter can be used as an antidepressant. Just don't take it as a suppository.
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@Nyx422: This bum said everyone who gives him $10 gets a "special" surprise in the alley. My gut says no......but my heart says its a puppy!
@Sassafrantz: Friday always feels like Wile E. Coyote running off the cliff and Monday is when he looks down.
@MikeRevenaugh: Your boss will respect you more if you sometimes disagree, especially if you touch their face and say "You silly goose."
@daemonic3: [hospital] "Will dad ever wake from his coma?" WIFE: Of course dear [loudly] LET'S GO HOME TO ORGANIZE & RE-ARRANGE HIS TOOLS DAD: I'M UP