@bazecraze: If vampires can't see themselves in mirrors, how do they trim those perfect goatees?
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@heymonroe: Fun Prank 1.) Go to Yoga class 2.) Compliment some people on their mats 3.) Unroll 20x25 oriental rug.
@markleggett: When your parents held you as a baby for the first time, they secretly hoped you'd end up arguing with strangers on a celebrity's Instagram.
@Lerky: Me: Hey Mr. DJ, do you take requests? Dj: Yes. M: Excellent, can you turn it down a bit.