@meganamram: If video games have taught me anything, it's that you'll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss
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@TribalSpaceCat: Me: Do you have any wrongdog? "Ugh fine what's wrongdog" Me: thank you so much for asking I'm doing terrible
@ruinedpicnic: J.K. Rowling: "Theres actually a goat with Harry Potter the entire time, its just never mentioned or does anything."
@Just_Lee_: My crush said he made his phone keys sticky thinking of me so I dumped him. I'm disgusted. What kind of loser still has keys on his phone?
@JermHimselfish: *holding a rattlesnake in each hand* These are the angriest maracas I've ever played