@xLiserx: If video games were truly to blame for violent acts drive by turtle flinging would be at an all time high.
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@cybersoybean: mother's day idea: treat your mom as she has treated you! force her to take piano lessons
@Brianhopecomedy: I'm watching my 4 year old son give my 1 year old a hammer. He is so irresponsible.
@WheelTod: [Staring at bedroom ceiling] Her:Don't worry. It happens to every guy Me:Not to me it doesn't! *resumes trying to unscrew lid from pasta jar
@truegritrumble: WIFE: What're the kids doing? ME: Playing lawn darts. W: Is it safe? M: Hope not. W: M: W: Wtf M: Can't afford to send both to college, Jen