@kumailn: If Watergate happened today it would be called Watergategate.
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@weinerdog4life: Thank you to whoever has been keeping Keanu Reeves busy with a laser pointer for the last 10 years.
@LeahsLounge: Her: Ok you hang up. Him: No, you hang up first. Her: No, you first. Him: No, you first. NSA: Both of you hang up.
@cray_at_home_ma: Triscuits are a good snack if you've already eaten all the other snacks in your house and the boxes they came in and your own hands