@Meldiesattheend: If watermelon exist why doesn't earthmelon,firemelon and airmelon? The elemelons.
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@Phantasmagoriax: If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
@philmann: DAD GUIDE ON HOW TO WATCH A MOVIE: 1) put on a movie 2) don't watch it 3) read a book 4) every time something happens ask what happened
@BobTheSuit: The self-checkout screen says "Finish and pay." I feel like I'm with an irritable hooker.
@UncleDuke1969: *pulls up pants* Me: It feels like I've got the world's worst wedgie! Proctologist: That's normal. M: ... P: Hey... Have you seen my glove?