@BlackCatBettie: If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
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@mjkspeaks: [at airport] TSA: sir, you’ve been randomly chosen for a cavity search. ME: that’s cool i didn’t know my flight included a dental cleaning
@abbycohenwl: I need an aggressive dog-barking sound on my phone, for whenever anyone knocks on the bathroom door when I'm in there