@Rollinintheseat: If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet.
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@ericsshadow: Officer: is there anything in your car I should know about? Me: *remembers photo album filled with 1,000 pics of my dog* OMG YES
@JasonLastname: Whoever invented popcorn deserves the Medal of Honor for not panicking after the first 45 seconds.
@Underchilde: If I ever commit suicide, I wanna jump off a cliff w/an open umbrella so people wonder if I thought it would bring me safely to the ground.