@Rollinintheseat: If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet.
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@Schmoodles: My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
@pleatedjeans: [cruising down highway in friend's car with windows down] me: [opens bag of glitter]
@pungodly: Apparently "I don't like scary movies," is not an appropriate response to being asked to watch a wedding video.
@TommyWallace: Dr: I was going to ask if you were sexually active but- Me [wearing hot dog costume]: but what