@UnFitz: "If we don't know a word for something, why can't we just make one up?" he remarked confusatorily.
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@BeardSpice: "Two birds with one stone, how about all the birds" God thinks, hurling an asteroid toward Earth
@Fredzipfel: Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It's not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
@mynameisntdave: Practice safe sex and have sex with a vampire. Vampires are, by default, all about consent because they have to be invited inside.
@JohnLyonTweets: Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We've never met before, right?