@susie_meister: If we eliminated, "Is your car running ok?" from our conversations, my dad and I would never speak.
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@SatansTongue: Aw look he's about to say his first words! "Say dada!" *baby opens mouth* Here it comes! *airhorn noise*
@t_cuppp: Starting a Psychofit class. Basically, I sneak up on people showering and chase em with a knife til they achieve their desired body weight.
@WilliamAder: They're not called "butt hole mirrors." They're called "hand mirrors," according to this clerk at Walgreens.
@VodkaDietSoda: The second I sense someone about to ask for a bite of what I'm eating, I immediately shove the whole damn thing in my mouth & look baffled.