@OhNoSheTwitnt: If we get to have sex with our valentines on Valentine's Day I can't wait until Presidents' Day.
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@rad_milk: if the sun is such a cool and great star then why do all the other stars leave when it shows up
@pixelatedboat: *reading news story about how great some guy is* wow this guy sounds great *reading further* oh no, he’s a bomber and he’s dead
@Horrorsc0pes: The seven new planets cause havoc with your readings. There is nothing but chaos and pain and, for some reason, hot singles in your area.
@thatUPSdude: (Stalker Diary) Day 4: Still under her bed. She continues to put the toilet paper roll on upside down. It's like I'm living with a monster.