@J0hnnyBlaze: If we make guns illegal, then nobody will get shot anymore. That's how we stopped everybody from doing drugs
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@Cpez38: *points w/ middle finger* "Sure, take this road for about another mile, pull over & go ask someone else" - Me giving directions.
@trevso_electric: My girlfriend steals all the blankets in her sleep and I wake up cold, next to an adorable linen burrito.
@mydmac: (At the dentist) 'Your grinding isn't good.' Excuse me! I've never had a man complain before.
@JosesLovesYou: So Nicolas Cage and John Travolta walk into a bar and the bartender says "hey, why the wrong face?"