@J0hnnyBlaze: If we make guns illegal, then nobody will get shot anymore. That's how we stopped everybody from doing drugs
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@yendys1: Michael Cera, too timid to send his food back even though he's allergic to almonds, eats a meal and politely goes into anaphylactic shock.
@TylerFoFyler: Had a big mix up at the store today, apparently when the clerk said "strip down facing me," she meant my credit card.
@SadPeruna: Nothing is creepier than watching someone hula hoop with a serious look on their face.