@ElgatoEsmio: If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
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@NervousJr: "I can't wait until this one orange erases years of poor eating choices." -me, dieting
@OtherDanOBrien: [Lady is being robbed] "Help, Social Media Man!" [Social Media Man swoops in & creates a facebook page called Mugging Is Bad]
@WheelTod: "Dad?" "Yes, son?" "Where do busboys come from?" "Well, son. When a boy loves a bus very, very much..."