@ElgatoEsmio: If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
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@sacha_is_good: "I don't want a lot for Christmas." Later... "All I want for Christmas is you." EXACTLY WHAT DOES THAT DO FOR MY SELF-CONFIDENCE, MARIAH.
@captaincoximus: If I could pick a superpower it would be to clone myself so the other me could answer the 4,291,386 questions my 4 year old asks daily
@ShittingtonUK: The average person swallows over 4,000 spiders each year. More than that. Tens of thousands. Hundreds of thousands of spiders. It's crazy.
@joejwest: ME: [leaning over toilet] Hold back my hair YOU: Ok ME: [drinks from toilet like dog] YOU: You've made your point I'll wash up some glasses