@donjuantip: If we start calling it 'potato juice', Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT??
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@KKBowls: Me: damn, doc I'm losing my hair. What can you give me to keep it in? Dr.: a plastic bag
@MarfSalvador: me: [flicking through memory book] aww and this is my first pet, hammy the hamster gf: you know you could have just taken a photo
@ReticentTurnip: JOB INTERVIEWER: Talk about a time when a big project of yours didn't work out as you hoped ME: Well I got two English degrees
@torrami: Alcohol is the leading cause of me getting yelled at for being a pterodactyl on the coffee table.