@donjuantip: If we start calling it 'potato juice', Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT??
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@Prof_Hinkley: [emailing eHarmony match] Her: describe yourself Me: brown hair, kinda stalky Her: lol you mean stocky Me [through her bedroom window]: No
@curlycomedy: Songs with lyrics like, "We don't need sleep," why are you rebelling against naps? What are you--four?
@SteveSuckington: The average person eats 8 spiders a year *eating 2nd bowl of spiders* "WHO'S AVERAGE NOW DAD?"
@dysondoc: The new jumper I bought kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back and they exchanged it for another one free of charge.