@donjuantip: If we start calling it 'potato juice', Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT??
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@david8hughes: [Joseph & Mary answers door to god] "Mary, you're looking well." [Joseph puts arm around Mary & raises an eyebrow] "Jesus, your dad's here."
@bonehugsnirony: The first person who started winking at others was probably the creepiest human ever.
@lovemydogduck: Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey
@Zac_Franklin: my default response when someone questions a risky text of mine is "sorry, I was drunk." But now everyone thinks I'm an alcoholic so..shit.