@kellyoxford: If weddings were for couples there would be men's wedding magazines.
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@im_not_smug: Coworker: That's a stupid song Me: Your face is stupid Coworker: Way to be mature Me: YOUR FACE IS MATURE!!
@hyperseas: Guys, don't ever tell a girl that she's yummier than a gummy bear, she'll know it's not true because nothing is yummier than a gummy bear.
@pickupIines: are you my appendix because i don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out