@kellyoxford: If weddings were for couples there would be men's wedding magazines.
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@ktmcburr: I wonder if giraffes can eat so much their stomach explodes bc they just don't know it right away cuz it's in their neck for so long. What.
@AaronFullerton: USA: "Hey nachos, today's your big day!" Nachos: "What about Cinco de Mayo?" USA: "What'd you just say?" Nachos: "Nothing."
@murrman5: *comes home from poker night earlier than usual looks at wife while picking up the dog and leaves without saying anything*