@krisv_723: If we've gone swimming together you can be certain that at some point you've swam through my pee
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@Bandersnaaatch: Mommy, I wrote some notes down in my diarrhea. Please let her mean diary. Please let her mean diary. Please let her mean diary.
@cpabry: Pal - "Can you help me put this IKEA desk together?" Me - "I'll need a screwdriver." Pal - "Sure what type?" Me - "Greygoose or Kettle One."
@Reverend_Scott: How to impress your ex: 1. Get rich 2. Get more attractive 3. Get a tiger 4. Ride tiger everywhere in preparation for confrontation with ex