@krisv_723: If we've gone swimming together you can be certain that at some point you've swam through my pee
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@Reverend_Scott: Witness: I saw the defendant stabbing the victim. Lawyer: Objection! Witness is ugly! Judge: Sustained. Jury will disregard the statement.
@ninatreemonkey: Met my boyfriend on eharmony, also eharmony is the nickname I gave this vending machine, meet my sandwich
@MrT1M: Public restrooms are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet and is wearing heels on one pair.