@krisv_723: If we've gone swimming together you can be certain that at some point you've swam through my pee
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@ayyyyloser: "And then she kissed the frog and saw him turn into a prince, because kissing frogs makes you hallucinate." -me as a babysitter
@Coastiefish: You think God hates crosses? If my kid died on a roller coaster, then everyone started wearing roller coaster necklaces, I'd be pissed.
@CherBear162: Hubby has an alarm app where you can record your own sounds or music to wake up to. I just changed his to "THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!"
@thatdutchperson: [making flamingos] God: bird. Adam: got it. G: but it stand still a lot. A: ok.. G: on one leg. A: how high are you? G: make it pink.