@krisv_723: If we've gone swimming together you can be certain that at some point you've swam through my pee
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@jayleno: In New York, people are paying up to $100 for a "cronut," which is croissant/donut. We call these people "midiots," which is a moron/idiot.
@Dear_Booze: ME: "I'll have a rum & coke." HIM: "I can't serve you." ME: "Because I'm too drunk?" HIM: "No. 'cause this is a hardware store."
@SortaBad: *practices like 1000 times in the mirror* [at Starbucks] "One grander none-fatty flaparinno" barista: ... "I'll try again tomorrow"