@MichaelLarrick: If white guys are day drinking, it's inevitable that they're going to start wrestling at some point later that night.
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@beerfartchamp: I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting. What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?
@DurtMcHurtt: People who leave their underwear at parks are either awesome at sex or terrible at dressing raccoons.
@theshantilly: Him: What are you doing? Me: Tweeting. Him: Gah. Such a colossal waste of time. Me: *stare* Him: *goes back to playing Candy Crush*
@daemonic3: Hey girl, I heard you like bad boys? *starts jigsaw puzzle from middle instead of edges*