@MichaelLarrick: If white guys are day drinking, it's inevitable that they're going to start wrestling at some point later that night.
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@Scorpio1080: The lottery gives you about a 1 in 200 million chance you won't be going to work tomorrow. Alcohol will give you a 1 in 5. #PowerballFever
@1followernodad: Fun prank: ONLY explain gay marriage to your kids and then watch other people try to explain their weird straight marriages.
@EJGomez: [sees a baby spit up after drinking from baby bottle] "lmao yo who invited the lightweight"