@clarkekant: If women do the splits, do men do the banana splits?
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@Maddy_ubert: I just love it when my boyfriend comes to visit and brings me presents. He always says stuff like "stop winking and sign for this package"
@upsidedowntrash: Satan: welcome to your own hell where… me: is it hot in here or is it just me ;) Satan:…everyones a comedian. me: haha i just like to keep it light. Satan: no, [gesturing around] EVERYones a comedian. me: oh god
@EtobicokeErnie: My neighbour's son is trying to put whipped cream on his cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night that he wasn't supposed to.