@sixfootcandy: I filled my brother's shampoo bottle with olive oil and glitter last night. Have a great day in court, counselor!
@Notoliviasteel: Cop : HANDS IN THE AIR!
Me: *drunk, starts flailing arms*
Cop: NO, NOT LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE
@kaytaa: Sometimes I ask my husband to put away the clean dishes so I can play kitchen scavenger hunt next time I need something.
@JKickinit30: [hiding in the bushes]
Me:*whispering*they can't see me
Cops: Sir. Your light up shoes are still flashing.
@funnyhumour: How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. When the bulb goes, they just replace the house.
COMMENTS