@ElleOhHell: If Wonder Woman and Spider-Man go into business together, they should call it Amazon Web Services.
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@sixfootcandy: I filled my brother's shampoo bottle with olive oil and glitter last night. Have a great day in court, counselor!
@Notoliviasteel: Cop : HANDS IN THE AIR! Me: *drunk, starts flailing arms* Cop: NO, NOT LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE
@kaytaa: Sometimes I ask my husband to put away the clean dishes so I can play kitchen scavenger hunt next time I need something.
@JKickinit30: [hiding in the bushes] Me:*whispering*they can't see me Cops: Sir. Your light up shoes are still flashing.