@Donna_McCoy: If you add enough jalapeños no one will ever know you're a bad cook.
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@iwearaonesie: [laying in bed] wife: Did you remember to find a stud before you hung the TV up? me: Yes *sound of TV crashing to the floor* me: No
@NorCalBratt: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Me, to my empty bag of Oreos.