@paulablu22: If you add 'ish' on the end of the time, you're not really late.
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@ThisOneSayz: Marriage is like Disneyland. Magical at first but then you realize that there's someone else in the Mickey suit.
@thatUPSdude: Don't you hate when somebody gives you the finger in traffic and then you have to follow them home and loosen the lug nuts on their wheels.
@SondraDeeMe: [party] ME: You're out of shrimp. HOST: That was fast. I'll get more. BF: Where are your manners? ME: Under the heap of shrimp in my purse.
@WhatevaConc: Stellar hiring process HR. The new lady broke into song when being introduced to me. I give it 2 days before her first cat-related meltdown.