@SwedishCanary: If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you're on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
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@ArfMeasures: CUTE GIRL IN BAR: *walks up, points to my empty glass* Want another? ME: (OK don't blow this) Sure *she hands me her empty glass & leaves*
@Parentpains: Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can't help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
@HatfieldAnne: I appreciate your confidence in me, but it appears your “foolproof” chicken recipe is merely “fool resistant.”