@SortaBad: "If you approach a bear in the woods, lie down and play dead" - brilliant rumor started by lazy bears
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@badbanana: One horribly inappropriate comment and you'll never be shown another baby photo at work ever again. Totally worth it.
@MrMildSauce: Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you've done with the place.
@cepheusjackson: ME: *brings my mom to a knife fight* MOM: *shouting* use your words! MOM: *chasing knife fighters away with a broom* I know your mothers!
@Nikkeya08: Cashier: Your total is $2,334.00. Me: Can you take off the avocado? Cashier: Okay, that will be $2.00.