@SortaBad: "If you approach a bear in the woods, lie down and play dead" - brilliant rumor started by lazy bears
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@TheCatWhisprer: I hate when I go to unbutton my pants because they're too tight and they're already unbuttoned.
@skittle624: When my husband asked me do something creative for dinner, I drew a cute picture of a dog on a napkin and put it next to the pizza box.
@jwoodham: The year is 2087. Selfies are the new currency now and that annoying girl you went to high school with is the richest person in the world.
@david8hughes: Cop: we know you're in there. Me in a French accent: I am not ere, I am in France. Cop: when will you be back? Me: je ne comprends pas