@Bakwasowski: If you are between 8 -16 years old and not whiskey, you are annoying.
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@iamburtjarvis: me [sneezes]: excuse me. guy at the bus stop: [starts crying] my ex used me too, man.
@Sassafrantz: Becky on FB is "too blessed to be stressed" so I told her that I slept with her boyfriend.
@DirtMcTurd: One difference between Men & Women is nicknames. Woman: This is Michelle, we call her Shelly Man: This is Johnny, we call him Long Nuts
@Chloestylo: Hormonal teenage daughter: Where do you want to be buried? Me: You mean after I die, right?