@leshnevsky: If you are brave, clever and skillful, go home. You're drunk!
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@longwall26: God: So I was, all, what if there was a fish made of jelly? Like, jelly but alive and in the sea? LOL [angels look nervously at one another]
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: I put my Barbie in the tanning bed. Me: You don’t have a Barbie tanning bed. 4: Me: *sprints to the toaster*
@Up2Long: 17 yo didn't do chores last night. I delete all songs on iPod and replace them with the theme song to Scooby Doo. Enjoy the bus to school.