@jakefromstfarm3: If you are farther than me in candy crush I will automatically think you are smarter than me.
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@AnkCoupleTO: I tattooed the word "WINNER" on my forehead in case I meet anyone new and they have any doubts
@ozzyunc: It's 2080. Every living human is named Taylor. Dogs are the size of hamsters. The iPhone 47 is the size of a parachute. Weed is mandatory.
@AndyRuther: If Trump or Hillary really cared about America they never would have agreed to a debate in the middle of a Monday Night Football game.
@mattZillaaaa: My bank called me for suspicious activity on my account & I was like "no, I went out last night"