@cameronesposito: "If you are fat you will die," said the thin ppl, who would never die.
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@caliluvgirl77: Therapist: we need to work on YOU taking responsibility for YOUR actions Me: *pulls a flask out* WHO PUT THIS IN MY PURSE?
@atDevin: What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven? If you guessed "Heaven nun" or "Angel nun" you're wrong. The answer was "Nun of the Above".
@Area51eh: Me: Pack your bags.I won the lottery! G/F: Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff? Me: Doesn't matter, just get out.
@squirrel74wkgn: [tearing off our clothes] Her: I want you. Take off your shoes. *kicks flip-flop through her TV*