@ericONEderful: If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don't think this relationship is going to work.
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@Vodkantots: 9: My teacher doesn't wear makeup like you do. I guess she doesn't need it because she's younger. Me: Get out of the car.
@simoncholland: My GPS just told me to turn left into a cornfield and now I'm afraid it wants to murder me.
@gogglepossum: [1st date] Me: don't let him know you're a lobster Him: we should check out my hot-tub later Me: 'yeah...sure' *nervously clicks claws*
@cmfh111: my daughter said her hand hurts when she moves it, her brother said "stop moving it then." my work here is done.