@OldUncleDaveO: If you are having anxiety over something you've said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
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@NoogsCorner: Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don't use words like "East."
@okimstillhungry: Me: Can you hear me? Ouija board: Y-E-S Me: Is it hard to hear me with all the updog? Ouija board: I-W-I-L-L-M-U-R-D-E
@dafloydsta: [at the gym] PERSONAL TRAINER: What kind of body do you want to have? ME: *leans in close* I'd prefer human
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Show me a woman in a Tweety Bird t-shirt and I'll show you a woman who shoplifts in the grocery store.