@OldUncleDaveO: If you are having anxiety over something you've said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
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@TheAlexNevil: Him: What's that, Girl? Timmy fell down the well? Lassie (sigh): Let's go over it again: 1 bark means I'm hungry; 2 means let me outside; 3
@titanrn: Wife ran into my ex girlfriend today. I asked if she still looked good? Always wondered what the worst thing I could say was. That was it.
@FatherofTweet: Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike.