@CherBear162: I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.

@nPhelendriqal: "I'll have what she's having." " Sir, this is a gynecolo-" "Shhhh.. *puts finger over Dr's lips* I said I'll have what she's having."

@david8hughes: [at the mall] "I've lost my son. Can you make an announcement for me?" "Sure, what's his name?" "Xander." "See, that's why he ran off."

@jonesination: "The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.

@DrunksWithGuns: Her: I'm leaving... Me: Good. Go. I never loved you in the first place. Her:...for the store. Me: Oh.....Pick me up some Funyuns?