@ObviousOstrich: If you are reading this you are probably not blind.
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@DurtMcHurtt: Make new friends by waking up strangers with forehead kisses after they've fallen asleep on the train.
@Thateverydayguy: Why is there a show called "When Animals Attack"? It should be called "When Stupid People Go Near Dangerous Animals."
@markedly: *storms out of office bathroom* *slams roll of single-ply toilet paper on boss's desk* I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS
@LeBearGirdle: "Hey mom can Kyle come over?" mom: Kyle from your school or Kyle who is really bad at finishing other people's- [From outside] LOOFAS!