@Pork_Chop_Hair: If you are stressed and it’s making me stressed, then your desserts are also my desserts. That’s science. Now be quiet and hand me a spoon.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DowntimeDad: I just want to have the poker face of a toddler that tells you that they didn't poop their pants.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: You only half-listen to me. You're in a boatload of trouble. Me: Yes, let's buy a boat.
@Tw1tter_K1tten: One day the mailman is going to murder my whole family and my dog will be like "Ha. Who needs to quit yapping and go lay down now?"