@pc62488: If you are under 18 years old please Unfollow me, I have underwear older than you.
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@KalvinMacleod: [pet store] COP: someone's been stealing puppies OWNER: OMG now I’m missing another one ME: who would do such a thing *shirt starts barking*
@StellaRtwot: Did you know that there is a little lonely man inside automatic towel dispensers that gives you a towel because he's happy you waved to him?
@BadJordon: Autocorrect just changed 'so thirsty' to 'sloth irate' and I'm slowly getting angry about it.
@Book_Krazy: Yeah sex is great, but have you ever rubbed your eyes for a really long time? O. M. G.