@Cheeseboy22: If you are wondering how many ketchup packets you can put in a Holiday Inn hot tub before people stop going in, the answer is 9.
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@dumbbeezie: Cashier: Next Me: Why are these fingerless gloves full price? Cashier: Oh shit it’s you again
@TequilaTears: How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
@briangaar: Hi mom, we shot the new Hobbit movie today. I'm orc #56, the one accidentally wearing a watch. The director was really mad.
@E_lok44: So I was coloring my few, grey hairs with a sharpie and Hubby walked in. He told me, I'm the reason for warning labels on small appliances.