@envydatropic: If you arrive home, it's not a holiday, and your driveway is full of family member's cars, keep going.......It's an intervention
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@mjkspeaks: [meeting with boss] "I need you to go back and fix something that broke yesterday." "I DON'T EVEN HAVE A TIME MACHINE!"
@MariyaAlexander: Your Harvard education doesn't make me respect you more - it makes me respect Harvard less.
@zachraffio: - Adele's baby starts to cry - Adele sings the baby a lullaby - baby cries more, but now for different reasons