@kimlockhartga: I learned German so I could sound angry about everything.

@KeetPotato: [on phone to gf] her: "you never understand me anymore so.." me: "so what?" her: "we're breaking up" me: "i can hear you fine"

@rebeccaheckyea: 2 cats smoke catnip and lay around, discussing Plato's Allegory of the Cave. "What if the laser pointer is just a projection?"

@JohnLyonTweets: The downside of having friends who love sarcasm and irony is that when we make plans I'm never entirely sure we really made plans.

@jctwritesstuff: Me: I should tell him how I feel. Beer: Nah. Vodka: Just be sweet about it. Whiskey: Or yell it. Tequila: MAKE SURE YOU CRY GUYS LOVE THAT