@just1fool: If you ask me to go get "Eyetalian" food with you, our friendship is probably over.
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@realHamOnWry: In recent years the number of UFO sightings has dropped because of the smart phone. Their users never look up.
@truegritrumble: FRIEND: Try to relate to her. (Later on Date) ME: *nervously* Can I be your cousin?
@causticbob: I had a few too many beers at an art exhibition and threw up all over the floor. Someone offered me three grand for it.