@kelkulus: If you believe that no great story ever started with someone eating a salad, then you're using the wrong kind of mushrooms.
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@trevorthehuman: Turns out "pick the biggest one & punch him in the face" gets you more respect as a new prisoner than as a new 1st grade substitute teacher.
@_Ms_Moneypenny_: Reasons he didn't text you: - He forgot. - He fell asleep. - His phone died. - His pet died. - His GF died. - He died. - He thinks you died.