@1BigMick: If you believe the home alarm commercials, the first thing burglars do when they break into your home is smash your family pictures.
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@XplodingUnicorn: [out in public] Me: A kid is crying. Wife: It's not one of ours. [we fist bump]
@kelkulus: While it may be physically possible to have a baby after 40, forty children are probably enough.
@JazzJazzybc: I always said I'd never chase after a man, but the older I get, I seriously consider power-walking after one.
@MikeOdenthal: Given how, when I try to eat a banana, I end up holding the peel while the actual fruit falls to the floor, I'm ok never handling a firearm.