@redherringbear: If you believe you can pass a drug test by drinking large amounts of water, you're just diluting yourself.
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@behindyourback: Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: I'm not sure if this clerk is smiling at me bc he knows I'm high or bc we're both high, but it's been 6 minutes and we're still just smiling
@rockymomax: ME: long time no see! I heard you're a doctor FRIEND: I am. what do you do now? ME: [glances down at open twitter app] I'm a writer