@redherringbear: If you believe you can pass a drug test by drinking large amounts of water, you're just diluting yourself.
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@Reverend_Scott: Wife: "If I died, would you remarry?" Me: "Yup." Wife: "And you'd even let her use my golf clubs??" Me: "No silly! She's left handed."
@SteveKoehler22: Research found happiness peaks at ages 23 and 65. Age 23 ~ excited to enter the work force Age 65 ~ relief at leaving the work force.
@jergarl: [on phone with debit fraud] Bank guy: Sir do you shop on line at all Me: DUDE IT'S 2017 WE BUY TOILET PAPER ONLINE BG: M: Sometimes. Yes