@redherringbear: If you believe you can pass a drug test by drinking large amounts of water, you're just diluting yourself.
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@TrentoMento: Ha ha! OH, HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED! "dude, are you gonna do this every time you rearrange the furniture"
@KeetPotato: doc: "your dad's been in a coma for 9 days, we're running out of ideas" me: "let me try" [goes to adjust thermostat] dad: [opens one eye]
@Eightinchgoat: Fun trick: Handcuff her and tell her you're taking her to 50 Shades of Grey. That way she can't escape when you go to The SpongeBob Movie.
@robfee: If you have twins name them Adam & Steve so when someone says "Uh, it's Adam & Eve" you can be like "OH REALLY?" and have the boys attack!!