@redherringbear: If you believe you can pass a drug test by drinking large amounts of water, you're just diluting yourself.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: My son asked what it was like to be a parent so I begged him to make me chicken nuggets and then held on to his leg so he couldn't move.
@robfee: Yelp is a great way to find out where garbage people will never eat again because one time a waitress forgot their honey mustard.
@CauseWereGuys: My roommate is 3 days younger than me so ive gotten in the habit of saying “when i was your age..” and then describing what i did 3 days ago