@Hadzilla: If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
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@adult_mom: Start yelling "DON'T FORGET!" when saying goodbye to people so that they panic about what they're supposed to be remembering
@AsiaDMO: The worst thing about insomnia is discovering all the new hours of the day that you're hungry.
@1Happytwit: You should never bribe someone to get what you want. You should blackmail them, it's cheaper and much more effective.
@Baxterbix: Woke up with a hangover to the sound of my neighbor cutting the grass. He can cut around me, I'm not movin'.