@Hadzilla: If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
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@abrosenthal: A study found that Buzzfeed is the least trusted news source in media. Serves them right for telling me I belong in Hufflepuff.
@ArfMeasures: ANAESTHETIST: Count backwards from 100 ME: 100..99..98 ME: ..3..2..1..um [looks round] now what? ANAESTHETIST [muffled] You have to find me
@CrowfootJim: When women get to a certain age they start accumulating cats. This is known as the many paws.