@Hadzilla: If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
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@theevilwriter: The local news says we can tell there's been a power failure with their new app. Call me old fashioned but the lack of lights tips me off.
@TheCatWhisprer: MAN: [after being mauled by a bear] oh it's just a scratch MAN: [with a cold] omg i can't breathe i think i'm dying
@SteveDutzy: Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race but then I remember there are grown men who like My Little Pony.
@DepressedDarth: All I want for Christmas is a stormtrooper who doesn't miss the target every time he shoots.