@Hadzilla: If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
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@NikiWithIssues: You can't give me a mini fan at work and expect me not to spend the whole morning pretending I'm a model doing a photo shoot. It's science.
@FilthyRichmond: Parenting tip: Unplug the microwave before dropping acid because you'll inevitably put the baby in there for safe keeping.
@DBMaxP: Who said losing weight was difficult? "Hello Blood Center? How much longer before I can donate another pint?"