@__candypants: If you break up and get back together more than twice, I will not listen or care about your relationship problems you idiot.
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@facciabella: When someone says "everything happens for a reason," I stab them and laugh, just so they know I understand.
@pleatedjeans: Best way to get a girl to come home with you is to tell her you own 3 lava lamps seriously what girl wouldn't want to see 3 lava lamps
@deardilettante: How's it going? "I'm so glad you asked, really need to talk to someone right now" You're supposed to say 'fine' & ask how I am. Bye.