@__candypants: If you break up and get back together more than twice, I will not listen or care about your relationship problems you idiot.
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@CliffDuffy: Doctor: How did you get all those bruises? Me: Rough sex Doctor: That looks unhealthy and should stop Me: Talk to your nurse about that
@noneofyours99: Texts son - to come and hand me my drink 5 feet away God he's lazy, took him ten minutes to reply