@__candypants: If you break up and get back together more than twice, I will not listen or care about your relationship problems you idiot.
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@pmclellan: I brought my Beats headphones to work, and instead of being left alone, I've had 7 rap battles and am in the finals against A$AP Carol.
@upsidedowntrash: [at séance] Me: If you truly are a ghost why don't you move this object Ghost: If you truly are a human why don't you get your shit together
@QwertyJones3: "My brother's coming over for dinner." Ugh, is he still talking only in country names? *brother walks in* "Chad Hungary. Jamaica Turkey?"