@AbbyHasIssues: If you bump into someone at the grocery store and say goodbye, there's a 99 percent chance you'll see them in every single aisle after that.
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@abbycohenwl: [chameleon conference] Boss: Is... everyone here? *crickets* Boss: I know Keith is. He brought the yummy crickets. Thx Keith: You're welcome
@Home_Halfway: "Do you know how fast you were going?" 75 in a 55. I'm sorry officer. "Get out of the car." *Cop cuddles driver* "Stop doing this. I worry."
@chrisviccaro: You'd think old people would drive faster with the whole death thing creeping up on them and all.