@AbbyHasIssues: If you bump into someone at the grocery store and say goodbye, there's a 99 percent chance you'll see them in every single aisle after that.
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@huntigula: ME: [deep in thought] it's just so scary, u know? HER: what is, life? ME: [imagining an octopus holding 8 samurai swords] yes. Life.
@BastardProphet: I'm so hungover. My sweat is pure tequila. A mosquito landed on me and now I think it's drunk. It's texting its ex.
@KKAlThani: "So tell me what you want, what you really, really want" - a hilarious waiter taking a Spice Girl's order