@AbbyHasIssues: If you bump into someone at the grocery store and say goodbye, there's a 99 percent chance you'll see them in every single aisle after that.
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@EasilyTempted: If you love a balloon, set it free. If it comes back to you, it probably wasn't a balloon.
@upsidedowntrash: [1st Day working at Hotel California] Guest: Id like 2 check out Me: Sure! Youre all set! G: Thanks! [Leaves] Boss: Can I see u in my office
@IAmMikeFeeney: What they say: "Hey, have you lost weight?" What they mean: "Hey, I remember you being a lot fatter. What gives?"
@HellisWorthit: My spanish class in high school should have had a bit less "Where is the bathroom" and a bit more "She was dead when we got here".